Share a Coke with Banksy giveaway

When i was 14 me & my mates used to go out causing merry hell on a university campus letting off fireworks & crow scarer's (mate lived on a farm y'see) just because well we were 13/14..

After scoping out what we believed was an abandoned VW Camper van in the car park we started launching this & that at it using Diablo catapults. Was fun for a while so we decided to switch it up and lob a couple of crow scarer's inside. Inevitable BANG BANG ensues only one didn't go off. A 2nd thought was not given until 10 minutes later.

M turns around to me and says something like "look, the camper van is glowing orange a bit inside.."
The thing is some lazy paperboy had dumped a weeks worth of free local papers inside the van unbeknown to us and the entire thing ignited like we'd poured petrol inside for good measure (we hadn't!)

We all hit the deck using the cover of darkness as some sort of camouflage & watched the situation deteriorate rapidly.

We then make haste akin to this only quicker back to camp to mull over the 3 felonies we have just blatantly committed and what the repercussions would be.



Fast forward 3 weeks and one of the arsonist's brothers is at said uni drinking in the union bar with a student there. Conversation flows and the student says "you'll never guess what happened to me 3 weeks ago, i got woken up 7am Sunday morning by Uni staff saying my camper van had blown up and was now reduced to a charred tangled metal wreck! I couldn't believe my luck as it was a total write off and i couldn't afford to fix it up sufficiently, but i've just got paid out on 3rd party Fire theft to the tune of 2/3K!!! Happy days!"

Upon hearing this the brother then says "yeah sorry about that it was my brother & his mates, they hadn't intended to blow it up obviously but thought it was abandoned so fair game"

Uni student goes to cash machine, takes out 100 quid and says "tell them to have a drink on me"

I did exactly the same thing, if it wasn't for Dr. Plip consoling me I would never have got over it.

Feel much better knowing I'm not the only one.

I did IggyWiggy on the dismal thread, you must have been ignoring me again

If you win will you keeping feds fluid to yourself or will you be sharing?

I am with David on the phone....  and every knew that David's wife was being fucked by Albert, the hot gossip of the moment.

I had a brief discussion with David about his website.

He ended up saying "OK bye [TheBigBoss]" to which I replied "Bye Albert... oh sorry David"

Gonna say I got a very unfriendly reply but I am still alive.

In my late teens I took a few weeks off work(should've really told work) and moved in with a friend whose mum was off hiking up Kilimanjaro. There was about 8 of us who spent everything we had on artificial happiness for the first week, then the money ran out and the food. The mum of the friend had stocked the cupboards and fridge for her son to make sure he was well feed for the 2 weeks however there were 8 vagrants to feed as well and after 3 days everything was eaten bar 40-50 neatly stacked tins of Campbells condensed chicken soup. On the evening of the seventh day the Soup ran out and we all walked across the town and into an estate were a few horses walked amongst a burnt out car and glass glistened on the tarmac like stars on a clear winter night, every second door was open to anyone and we spent every penny we had to make sure the seventh night was one to remember, we bougth lots of little perforated pieces of paper and ate them. We went back to the house and played the ouija board which was just about the stupidist thing you could choose to do given the circumstances, it was a complete headfuck.... tears, fear, talk of suicide, talk of murder, deceit... I decided to flee to the relative safety of the kitchen, there were no humans. I needed something to do, something to concentrate on, to focus on 100%, I opened the cupboards and there was nothing... we will need food and soon, I would bring food, thats it, I'll bring everyone food, everythings going to be fine. There was a problem, my brain didnt work properly. I went back into the zoo next door and announced "We Need Food", lots of crazy and scared sets of eyes stared my direction then as if by script all the animals started nodding in agreement then randomly agreed "We need food, we need food". We needed to leave the house, this was met with a mixture of scepticism and thankfulness, we walked to the front door and opened it, the real world. The Bungalow was on the outskirts of the town centre, there was an estate across the road, houses all round, shops at the end of the road. In front of the bungalow there was a small field with a six foot fence around it, it was the only field to be seen, there was also some sort of stone structure at the other side of the field, there was a horse in the field, like a herd of escaped mental patients we crossed over to the fence and stared at the horse, a lightbulb went on, I ran back into the house to the kitchen, got a knife and fork and ran over to the fence, scaled it and dropped to the ground on the other side. In truth I had no intentions on eating the horse or harming it when I ran around the field chasing it with a knife and fork, it just gave me something to do, it was an escape, I needed to escape, we needed to escape. I dont remember much of the rest of the night, I chased the horse for a while then went back to join my herd, we went back into the house without the food we set out for but the atmosphere was very different, people were pointing at things laughing, making strange noises, moving body parts fast then slow. We were friends again.

^^^ idiot I can't even spot sarcasm any more. Nice work IggyWiggy I'm turning into an American (no offence)

some great stores/jokes... can't tell which are which for some they all gave me a laugh so I don't know if I can pick. someone please pick a winner, otherwise I'll do a random name generator for everyone who participated

from my daughter


Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see a dull and boring person


Knock knock
Who's there?
The Chicken

fucking hell. I forgot again... sorry been a busy couple of weeks

Dutch Master @json24 can you please use the random name generator to pick a name when you have a chance? anyone who commented can be included

Nailed it IggyWiggy! I've always felt like that when approaching women & buffets.