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Post by momo on Apr 13, 2015 17:05:03 GMT
Please add jokes, videos, songs, and general chit chat..bit like joke of the day etc..
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Post by momo on Apr 13, 2015 17:09:19 GMT
I'm told I could be the next Bambi..
All my paintings are crap⚡
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Post by momo on Apr 13, 2015 17:12:13 GMT
Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs it into his mouth and swallows it. Bartender freaks and starts yelling about how much cue balls cost , etc. The guy tries to calm him down and tells him the monkey will pass it in the next day or so and he'll wash it off real well and bring it back.
Sure enough the guy and the monkey come back into the bar and gave the bartender his cue ball back. Meanwhile the monkey reaches into the peanut bowl, grabs a nut, sticks it in his butt--then eats it. The bartender stares at the monkey who continues to repeat this action again and again. So he asks the guy, "what's up with that?"
"What?"
"your monkey keeps grabbing peanuts one at a time and sticking them in his butt then eating them."
"Oh, that---well, ever since the pool ball incident, he has to measure everything before he eats it."
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Post by nick on Apr 13, 2015 17:20:22 GMT
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.
My girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
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Post by adman on Apr 13, 2015 17:23:07 GMT
I'm told I could be the next Bambi.. All my paintings are crap⚡ Ha ha – jolly good! Nice lightning bolt too – was looking for one of those last week (mind if I borrow it?) TCB ⚡⚡⚡ |
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Post by momo on Apr 13, 2015 17:28:48 GMT
I'm told I could be the next Bambi.. All my paintings are crap⚡ Ha ha – jolly good! Nice lightning bolt too – was looking for one of those last week (mind if I borrow it?) TCB ⚡⚡⚡ Take it...⚡⚡ |
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Post by dashboll on Apr 13, 2015 18:10:54 GMT
I'm told I could be the next Bambi.. All my paintings are crap⚡ Can swear to your fucking hearts content on here but giving serious consideration to adding bambi to the banned words list |
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Post by momo on Apr 15, 2015 8:08:04 GMT
Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 16:08:23 GMT
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party !!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 17:11:01 GMT
You're all a bunch of Cunts. UAA rules. Banter that MotherFuckers. Silky  I'd have used used commas but thats just me, |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 17:11:48 GMT
What happened to only allowing registered users to post? Bollocks.
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Post by dashboll on Apr 15, 2015 17:14:06 GMT
What happened to only allowing registered users to post? Bollocks. messaged admin will be resolved shortly. any posts made as a guest will be deleted. |
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Post by Dr. Plip on Apr 15, 2015 17:28:08 GMT
You're all a bunch of Cunts. UAA rules. Banter that MotherFuckers. Silky I'd have used used commas but thats just me, Much lol. |
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Post by sɐǝpı ɟo uoıʇɐɹǝpǝɟ on Apr 15, 2015 17:55:34 GMT
What happened to only allowing registered users to post? Bollocks. we had a crack in the dam that let a little leaking through. should be all fixed |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2015 17:54:24 GMT
My name is Dillon... No really, who cares what my or your first name is?... Some people are just... Paranoid.
Alejandro
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Post by alittle on Apr 16, 2015 17:58:48 GMT
That guy is an idiot
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Post by partpat on Apr 16, 2015 20:21:00 GMT
Im suing you for saying that about him! How dare you !! |
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Post by whl10 on Apr 16, 2015 20:24:45 GMT
My name is Dillon... No really, who cares what my or your first name is?... Some people are just... Paranoid. Alejandro Dillon is threatening legal action toward me. |
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Post by alittle on Apr 16, 2015 20:25:48 GMT
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Post by mattmoo08 on Apr 16, 2015 20:33:53 GMT
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Post by mattmoo08 on Apr 16, 2015 20:37:24 GMT
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. You get Jewellery.”
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Post by mattmoo08 on Apr 16, 2015 20:45:16 GMT
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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Post by supercockle on Apr 16, 2015 22:49:44 GMT
Two dyslexic horses wank into a bra. The barman asks "why the long faeces?"
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Post by bejwee77 on Apr 17, 2015 4:37:23 GMT
I wish I had kept track of all the British words that I've learned since I started visiting the boards...this would be a great banter topic. I can at least thank coach for the latest addition - "chuffed". Carry on, then. |
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Post by IggyWiggy on Apr 17, 2015 9:28:35 GMT
Bloke goes for a job at a blacksmith's. The blacksmith asks him 'have you ever shoe'd a horse before?' Bloke replies 'no, but I told a donkey to fuck off once'.
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